WEd 12th August

48.17.44N 002.46.57E IN18jh Nonville 75m ASL

Now going round Paris anti-clockwise about level with the southern most parts of the City in Seine et Marne region.
Isolated, so a chance for some radio. It is very hot, at 21.00 we are still trying to get the van cool with all windows open and blowers going.
We received a text from England, it seems it is still raining.

Arriving at a Riding School to stay the night the only person around is a teenage lad. Once again that odd phenomena of the language barrier sets in. The lad does English at school, confronted by a question from us in French 'is the next farm that sells Goats Cheese open now'? He finds he can speak neither English or French, it gets the young and the old sometimes. All he can do is walk to a notice and point. Go on says Sue try some English. 'Good Afternoon' he says in a very good accent.

Thurs 13th August

Another picture in the 'from the van door in the morning' series.

We head further north around Paris. After driving through Kilometres of rock infested hunting forests we stop off to see the Palace of Fontainebleau.

The royalty over sure sure over did it, no wonder they had a revolution on their hands. Around the courtyard are Orange Trees. The railings and gates with gold leaf detail and gold eagles, and this is only a hunting lodge.

It is easy to imagine the Kings and Queens descending the curving outdoor staircase, dresses and frock coats made of heavy curtain material with gold braid, their hair and faced plastered with best Bero Self Raising, to greet the guests, including the Pope who had his own room.

Sue managed to cause me embarrassment, I was out of the gates first and caught he as she passed by on the other side. 'Hey missus I am hungry, I have got no bread', I called through the railings to her, expecting her to join in with 'Then eat Brioche' but no, she turned and walked away muttering quietly, 'I am not with you'.
Turning round I saw a non French looking tourist, Dutch, Belgian, German, American may be, (they all speak good English apart from the Americans) with a large zoom lens camera fixing me with his gaze, I sloped off, he followed my departure until he felt safe.

Further north there are memories of the UK as the motorways near Paris get crowded with traffic and pounding lorries, turning east crossing the Sein at Melun and avoiding Disney World (like the plague), it is a pleasure to hit the countryside again in the Apple and Pear growing region of Sein et Marne.

Talking of avoidance I expected on this trip to loiter at MacDonald's Restaurants to use the Internet access. We did head for a MacCarpark once, it must have been a Sunday afternoon it was closed. We have seen a few warnings that the next town has a Mac however, somehow we rarely find ourselves anywhere where they are, preferring isolated spots like this Apple Orchard, well you cant have everything. Who wants reminding of the UK or worse still the home of the Mac when you are in France. Would you like a little cone of Frozen Reconstituted Insipid Extruded Spuds with that? 'No but I would love some proper chips', which of course in France is a Gary Lineker, oh this all gets too confusing.

Our chosen farm stop on the distant approach to De Gaule Airport produces Apples, is it possible to show how dark it can be in a French Orchard at night? maybe not.

Friday 14th August

We leave our overnight orchard stop and drive north past more acres of Apple Trees. Just like the lies we are told about France being a country of small inefficient farms, there is the Golden Delicious lie. There are green, red and russet apples in many varieties, it looks like a bumper crop this year. Nowhere is there any sign of the boring French Golden Delicious that they tell us is all that is grown in France?
Just where are they grown, we have visited many fruit growing regions all over with never a G D in sight.

Heading across, the villages have some odd stop signs enforcing the old 'give way to the right' rule, one is on a straight, through road the narrow road I have been halted for says 'Agricultural Vehicles Only'. This reminds me of Trevor an early enthusiast of Camping trips in France, one year he bent his car and himself badly when a Tractor and trailer emerged from a track on his right. Riding with Trevor was always a thrill so I bet he was going pretty fast.
Suddenly in contrast at Senlis there are more lorries than we have seen in 2 months coming on to a roundabout, I sit mesmerised until one flashes me to join the convoy. Gradually we lose them all as they go off on the pay routes in and out of Paris and we are on less populated dual carriageways.

Stopping for lunch in the main square in Grandvilliers with plenty of room and no restrictions. It seems foolish to return to our home town where you pay to park in any street within walking distance for an athlete and I wouldn't dream of taking any vehicle onto the Market Square at any time. The rules are so complex as to when and who can and can't approach even on non market days, make a mistake and a camera will spot you and send you a picture of you committing the crime along with your on the spot fine.

No trip to France would be complete without a picture of the municipal plantings. See if you can spot any litter, I scanned the whole square and there was none. Our Council executives, who called themselves 'strawberry flavoured' run a multi square mile litter bin.

We continue into the Somme region for our night stop and to stock up on Bread making Flour and in the morning a loaf fresh baked to order.

Saturday 15th August

A big mistake.

Heading north and toward the coast at Berck the motorways are busy then just as we leave solid with stationary traffic, at a round about we need to go straight on, to the left, toward the coast are solid queues of cars. I have never seen this on French roads, it is 30C so it would not be pleasant in those static cars. Berck is heaving La Touquet the same, across the river at Etaples it is quieter, apart from blue lighting Police and Fire vehicles, with room to park for lunch with a view of the Marina.
When we were in Berck it had clicked I took a look at the Rough Guide to France to confirm. It is Ascension day, (more like congestion day) today, that means a Bank Holiday weekend, the last for this summer too and good weather. Here I am moving, normally we would be settled somewhere quiet. Once we watched across the bay as the police and rescue services fought their way across the bridge to Oleron Island each time a frustrated driver decided to overtake and clout a car coming the other way.
What a clanger. We retire to the countryside and leave the sea and sand to the French, not a bad move, to a farm with Home Made Ice Cream, Fromage Blanc en Faisselle and
warm Milk straight from the cow. Here it is peaceful and almost deserted despite being only 10Km from the sea.

Sunday 16th August

In to Calais for tank emptying and shopping for stuff to take back. Error. Supermarkets shops, etc. are closed. The Calais'ians are celebrating Ascension day with a boot sale. Parking
is a bit limited at that end of the town so cars are parked actually on the grass of the roundabouts like the spokes of a wheel, try that in the UK. Surely the International
train terminal supermarkets will be open at City Europe. No closed, Europe is closed today and I have 10 tons of Coffee to buy at the best price.

In Calais we asked a lady, would the Supermarkets be open tomorrow, 'yes' she said.

Monday 17th August

Up early, 7.00AM to get to the Supermarkets and catch the Ferry. All done with military precision, the troops, Sue, needed constant driving to get her in and out of the huge Auchan.

On the Ferry the French passengers are giving disapproving looks to a fat tattooed family with two miserable, unruly, uncontrollable boys who need a good hiding. Yes they are English. We have been impressed by the happy polite well behaved kids in France as usual.

Back in the UK the sun was actually out but the outlook was dismal, somehow even the motorways are untidy despite the green grass and trees and of course we have to suffer the hold ups in contraflow.
Back in our home town after being violently hooted because I got in the wrong lane at the motorway exit, I signalled in plenty of time and moved into ample available space. Yes, Mr Car Driver, I used 3m of road which you considered you had the sole right to use to speed up to the red traffic light then halt, you had to halt behind me, it must have ruined your day. What a nation of stupid, selfish stressed out idiots we have become. We had none of this behaviour over the channel.
Then our home town, scruffy roads and pavements, worn out road markings, filthy buildings, litter, general neglect and a definite lack of Civic Pride. When is the next ferry back?